The MEUSM Thing (or Mig Extra Universal Stuff Module Thing) is a type of computer from another dimension. The MEUSM thing looks sort of like a washing machine, except it has all sorts of lights, wires, and other strange gadgetry sticking from it. The MEUSM thing is extremely hard to operate, nobody knows how to truly do so. The MEUSM thing seems to respond to physical violence directed at it. The MEUSM thing, when operated, will manipulate, create, or destroy random matter or energy in its vicinity.
Meusm things todayEdit
Throughout space and time, there have been a total of 37 MEUSM things. There are currently 4 located MEUSM things, 9 missing ones, and 24 which are currently known to have been destroyed. There are currently records of 11 of the MEUSM things being destroyed.
Located MEUSM thingsEdit
The very first MEUSM Thing is in the possession of Hovenbeet, and has been even before the Big Bang. How this MEUSM Thing was created is currently unknown, even to Hovenbeet. However, it fell out of the sky on the Bag, so it is believed to be the physical manifestation of a machine made by an omnipotent, multi-dimensional race of gods. A few minutes before the Big Bang blinked into existence, Hovenbeet was trying to figure out how MEUSM Things worked. Meanwhile, SteveMig, who still lived with Hovenbeet for a lack of his own Space Organ, was sneaking around the Great Space Organ playing the bagpipes. Suddenly, he burst into the room Hovenbeet was in, and began playing the Bagpipes very loudly, in his young foolishness. This caused Hovenbeet to get a nasty start, and he thus flung the MEUSM Thing he had been fiddling with to go flying into the air. It then bounced off the ceiling, and headed back for Hovenbeet's head, which it bounced off. It then was propelled across the room and landed inside SteveMig's Bagpipe. Since MEUSM Things respond to physical violence and abuse, one can imagine what this might do. It created the Big Bang, and also created 36 more MEUSM Things, which may be the significance of the number 37.
The Second MEUSM Thing is Hovenbeet's spare. He gave it to SteveMig when he accidentally destroyed his. (#17)
The Third MEUSM Thing, upon its creation, was thrust out of the space organ and sort of orbited the Big Bang until it exploded, at which point the MEUSM Thing was nearly destroyed. This, in turn, made about 1/16 of the particles in the big bang turn purple, thus creating the “purple sector”. Something to note about the purple sector is that every single biological life form in it, including plants, is very grumpy and will usually try to insult you in as many ways as possible. As a result, that section of the universe is avoided at all costs, and is currently 75% destroyed by Hovenbeet, since he finds them extremely irritating. It is most likely that that MEUSM Thing was destroyed in the process, since upon destroying a certain galaxy, a robotic dog came flying out. The fourth MEUSM Thing has a rather interesting story. When it blinked into existence, it blew a hole in the Great Space Organ, and sort of went randomly flying about the void. When the big bang exploded, it, along with the Great Space Organ, went flying across space. About 14,000,000,000 years later, it ran into the cargo bay of a docked Schpurglenarf vessel. A Schpurglenarf vessel is a crude spacecraft created by the species known as Schpurglenarf. They are rather unique, because for some reason, even though they are from the Purple Sector, they manage to get out of it on a regular basis without being blown to bits by every other living thing in the universe. Their vessels are very crude because, being from the Purple sector, its designers could never get along, so they just sort of randomly put together bits of metal and gas tanks and engines and stuff. The Schpurglenarf vessel orbited around earth for a bit because it was hoping to perform a cargo jettison. The MEUSM Thing crashed on Earth, and was found by some weird medieval peasant guy found it, and was put to death on the account of being a witch when the MEUSM Thing was kicked by the local lord guy thing. A few years later, during a battle, some people decided they should use the MEUSM Thing as a weapon (nobody really knows why; there have been some theories as to why, but the people who made them up were about as crazy as the ones who decided to use the MEUSM Thing as a weapon anyway). They loaded it up on a catapult, but as they launched it, the guard snapped, making the bowl thing smash the MEUSM Thing on the ground. As a result, the species known as 'dog' was created, as were several records of them dated prior to that time. The dogs were in space, heading towards earth in very odd dog-shaped spaceships (which were about 20 times larger than the dogs themselves). Most of the 6,000,000,000 dogs burned up in the atmosphere, which was thought to be some stupid meteor shower thingy. Thus, only about 10,000 dogs remained, who quickly evolved into lots of other things. Originally though, the dogs were small, brown, and seemed to be on illegal drugs, drunk, insane, or anything else of the like.
MEUSM Things 5-16 play a very important role in the common laws of the religion. They were sent flying into space, but at some point, as a result of the great groan of 26-27, they almost fell into the swirling mass thing, but instead were sent flying across space and crash into the great space organ. This made Hovenbeet very cross. As a result, he attempted to kill them all with the Lightning Lazer Thing (LLT) of the great space organ, but instead created Organ Heaven and Organ Hell, which Hovenbeet later used to his advantage.
- 17: SteveMig was cleaning out his space organ, whilst Hovenbeet was surveying the planet above which SteveMig was orbiting. He found the MEUSM Thing (which at the time was very similar to a toilet brush in appearance) and threw it onto the planet below. It nearly burned up in the atmosphere, and it was then run over by some weird car thing Hovenbeet was driving around, and then was stepped on by a dinosaur. As a result, every piece of mass in that solar system was turned into a large pineapple, and SteveMig's vessel became a washing machine. The sun imploded, and all the planets were sucked into it, destroying the 17th MEUSM Thing.
MEUSM Things 18-20 were projected throughout space and time when the Big Bang exploded, so they just sort of appear and disappear every few billion years.
MEUSM Thing 21 landed on some random planet thing, and was usually regarded as a toilet brush, and was kept in cupboards and drawers and stuff, until is was used as a toilet brush and turned the user into a baseball glove. It is now owned by Hovenbeet.
MEUSM Things 26-27 had a rather interesting encounter. They were coasting through space at 37,000,000,000 km/h in space. They collided, and made a sort of collective destroying algorithm thingy. Thus, they made a rather loud groaning sound that echoed throughout the whole universe, and some of the MEUSM Things were pulled in 26 and and 27, creating a sort of swirling mass of MEUSM insanity. Now, that mass is wanted by Hovenbeet, but it is very difficult for him to access because anyone who comes within 37 light years of it is instantly vaporized, or something very similar.
- 28-30 No. 28-30 are single-handedly responsible for creating a new universal paradise for Hovenbeet after the current universe ends. At approximately the year 3737, after there was nothing left except for Hovenbeet, Stevemig, the Rock God, and the organ, three holes in space in time opened up in a triangular formation and all three MEUSM things flew out at approximately twice the speed of light and collided. This destroyed all of them, but it created the Utopia of Greater Hovenbeet (UGH).
MEUSM Thing 31: This one crash landed on Earth (because in four dimensions, Earth is sort of like a low point on a large plane). It was then discovered by a magician guy, who discovered that when you kicked it, it did stuff. As a result, he used it in his magic shows which usually went like this: “...and for my next trick, I will, umm.... turn half the audience into sentient mud, yes!”. The MEUSM things was destroyed when for one magic show, the guy kicked the MEUSM Thing, causing an elephant to materialize above his head. It squished him and the MEUSM Thing, turning the audience into a great big pile of granola.
MEUSM Thing 32 landed on planet earth, specifically some guy's car, making his engine turn into an octopus. He didn't notice, and continued to drive around until a tentacle began to creep out of his fan vent. He then stopped the car, found the MEUSM Thing, and decided to drop it into under the hood. As a result, nothing happened, and he became a pile of dirt. The MEUSM Thing was later squished at a car recycling place, which made the surrounding area turn purple.
The 33rd MEUSM Thing, when it was created, was thrust into the floorboards of the Great Space Organ. Therefore, it was very easy for Hovenbeet to collect, as it was the first things he did after the Big Bang exploded. It is now owned by Hovenbeet.
The thirty-fourth MEUSM Thing was originally found in a cave by a G_ man by the name of Sir Glark Of Islington. He is recognized as the only living thing in the universe to, to some extent, to have been able to control what a MEUSM Thing did. He didn't really understand them, but in his paper, “What The Heck Is This Thing”, he wrote, “after a while of fiddling with it, you notice a sort of pattern in what it does. It requires very precise physical coordination, regrettably.”. As a result, he won the G_ Lebon Prize in Good Stuff for his accomplishments. Shortly after, he was picked up by Hovenbeet, who requested his help in the matter of the MEUSM Things. Sir Glark was endowed with the powers of The Bag, and had the ability to reincarnate. Unfortunately, at one point, he got hit in the head with a baseball bat, and as a result was only able to think about rocks. When he attempted to reincarnate, since The Bag can reincarnate into whatever form they like, he turned into a rock. Thus, when Hovenbeet was on a trip to earth to kill the FLUMPMIG, he also threw Sir Glark onto some field. He is now known as the Rock God.
MEUSM Things 35 and 36 were used for studying by Hovenbeet, SteveMig, and Sir Glark Of Islington.
Far out in the great, empty backwaters of beyond-space-and-time, there is a small, green sun. It is approximately 1.7 solar masses, and very lumpy. You see, in the year of 1,143,379,216, there was a small planet known as toogle-flump. The people there were very primitive. Out of sheer chance, the MEUSM thing looked exactly like a rock, so when a primitive local came around and banged on it with another rock, this made a tuba materialize above his head, and fall on the guy with the MEUSM thing, which caused him to hurl it at a nearby tree. It crashed into the tree, where a coconut quickly fell and landed on the MEUSM thing. Out of sheer chance, a Buffalo materialized out of nowhere and trampled the MEUSM thing. While being trampled, the buffalo punched a hole in the MEUSM thing and so it was stuck on it's foot. The buffalo then ran off a cliff, and died. Then, a large hungry dinosaur ran over the MEUSM thing. Out of sheer coincidence, a geyser erupted under the MEUSM thing and it flew two hundred feet into the air. Here, it was scooped out of the air by a pterodactyl, who flew over a volcano and dropped it. Then, the volcano erupted. After all of this violence, it created the purple lumpy sun, and an entire solar system to orbit it, holding a particular planet called MigWig.