The FLUMPMIG portrayal of Hovenbeet, after a vision by Cheif Oog'mablog Zurtmarf.
FLUMPMIG (or Flrjeunkdmysh Lunktug Urfjalod Minor, sector P.M ilgruntrlynng Gyrgaloft) were a human race who lived on FLUMPMIG island (now easter island) for about 3,800 years.
Arrival[]
The FLUMPMIG first arrived on FLUMPMIG island in approximately 2600 BCE. The exact circumstances or their arrival are unknown, although records seem to show that a small group of people were exiled from some culture, and somehow inhabited the island. When they first arrived, their population was at about 50, but by 2500 BCE, it was at around 200.
Hovenbeet's Message[]
At about 1900 BCE, Cheif Oog'mablog Zurtmarf received a vision by Hovenbeet, telling him to convert his his people to Beethovenism (see Hovenbeet's Visions And Messages). They quickly created a few statues to worship, and soon after Hovenbeet even created a language for them to speak. 1700 BCE, they were fully converted, with over 200 statues of Hovenbeet and 3 churches. Their population at the time was at around 3000 (although this is only approximate because certain individuals were considered to be a type of salt).
The QuizloCrat[]
The sworn enemy of the FLUMPMIG was the QuizloCrat. They frequently launched attacks on the FLUMPMIG, which was retaliated by the FLUMPMIG throwing salt people at the QuizloCrat's ships.
The QuizloCrat's speech system was especially peculiar, as they simply assigned each word its own pitch and tone quality. As a result, anyone who was tonedeaf was declared insane and dumped down a hole which they called "holy hole", which they did because whenever they threw people down there they didn't come back up, so they just figured it would be a good way to dispose of them. One time, a guy named C# discovered a strange cave with a weird gelatinous hole which ejected brown sludge in it. What he didn't know is that this was actually the bum of the monster which had been eating all the people they threw down the holy hole. Since he had no idea what it was and didn't really know what else to do with it, he decided to worship it, which became the main religious system for the QuizloCrat.
Fall[]
At one point in history, every single member of the FLUMPMIG culture all fell on the ground simultaneously. This was recorded in a journal of a high priest, and the only information distributed on the subject was that "It must have something to do with that new species of oatmeal they were making.
Okay, seriously. THE FALL.[]
At about 1150 CE, there began to be protests against the political systems of the FLUMPMIG (there weren't any). They began to get sort of violent, especially when the salt people joined in.
As you can guess, the Cheif (korfah'migshehm) wasn't very pleased with this, so he ordered the scientists of FLUMPMIG (there weren't any) to create some creatures to weed out the protestors and restore peace on FLUMPMIG. The resultant creatures were the Fininator and the Gronkinator. The only problem was, the Fininator and the Gronkinator didn't just kill the protestors. They killed EVERYONE. The Cheif was too lazy to do anything about, so he just denied that he had anything to do with it and that everything would be fine. After a few weeks, everything wasn't fine, so people started trying to attack the Fininators and Gronkinators, making them deathly afraid of any humans. With them out of the way, they were able to gang up on the Cheif. They entered his house at night and killed him to death by hitting him with salt people. With that out of the way, the people went back to their daily business. Unfortunately, after quite some time, the people began to find it hard to control their society with no Cheif. The common people began to get angry for no reason whatsoever, aside from "cuzz we wanted to", and began wreaking havoc on the island. This went on for several years, and after a while people stopped speaking their language and instead just moved their hand up and and down across their lips while tuvan throat singing. After many years of a lack of communication, people began going around randomly killing each other, evetually culminating in the burning down of the churches of Hovenbeet . About then, the Fininators and Gronkinators decided to return, so the Flumpmig were killing each other, reproducing, getting maimed by Fininators and Gronkinators, then killing each other again. Eventually, Hovenbeet sent a frantic message to SteveMig, a man who had not subjected himself to the craziness of the past 20 years (it was 1170 CE), and said that if his people didn't revert, he would have to take "drastic action". SteveMig tried for 15 years, Hovenbeet sent him messages, but they didn't work.
Eventually, Hovenbeet descended on FLUMPMIG island in the great space organ, and began to destroy everything by means of lightning bolts and various forms of combustion. Every hut and building was burnt to the ground, and all 5,874 citizens were killed (except SteveMig). After Hovenbeet left, all there was on FLUMPMIG island were a few large trees and the statues of Hovenbeet from thousands of years before.
SteveMig, lacking anything else to do, decided to carve everything that happened to FLUMPMIG on rocks. Fifteen years later, this homeless crazy guy named Hotu Matu'a and a bunch of other people arrived on FLUMPMIG island. They declared that he was a "Crazy Barg Man", and sent him out to sea on their raft, and he was soon eaten by a sea monster.